In the Healthy Living Blog world, inspirational quotes are as plentiful as oatmeal and nut butter. One of my favorite bloggers, Angela from Oh She Glows, regularly includes a few motivating and thought-provoking quotes. This is something I’ve always loved about Angela’s blog and perhaps it’s because I relate very much to her personal journey and thus, also relate to the quotes she selects. Otherwise, I enjoy reading inspiring quotes, but they just sort of wash over me. Maybe everyone else has this same experience and I’m completely normal, but I have a feeling that’s not the case. 
Recently I started “reading” a motivational book on tape (not Gossip Girl) and each chapter starts with a few well-known quotes. This is nothing out of the ordinary, but for some reason I was struck by the energy the quotes sparked within me. This weekend, I listened to this book while running and my thoughts began to take off, reason 389 why running is amazing. Noticing how motivated I felt by certain quotes led me to think of other quotes or sayings I’ve heard in my life that have had the opposite effect. Unfortunately my mind does not seem to breeze over the uninspiring/toxic quotes quite as easily. And unfortunately, most of the unhelpful quotes I know were learned in my pre-teen/teen years. The source—magazines, TV, advertising, pick one. I usually preface this type of soapbox rant with a clichéd “I’m not blaming media for my problems” statement, but you know what, I am.
Maybe not all my problems, but the media has and does impact me more than I’m willing to admit. Think about it, when flipping through a magazine you’ll probably be bombarded by ads with airbrushed models and read several how-to articles that use some catchy phrase or quote and then you’re shown what clothes to wear and diet to follow so you too, can be perfect. Television is isn’t much different. As an adult, I’m better equipped to see through the bullsh#t, but as a teen I internalized the unhealthy messages because I thought perfect was the goal.
I’ve since de-programmed myself and learned that perfection is A. not possible and B. even if it were, would come at too high a price. So, I’d like dissect a few of those unhelpful quotes and put them to rest and share a few that I wish I’d read instead.
In my opinion the worst offender is the infamous:
A woman can never be too rich or too thin. ~Wallis Simpson
I’d like to categorically disagree with this statement. A woman most certainly can be too thin.
Need I say more?
The next quote in the hall of shame:
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. ~ Kate Moss
Again, I’d like to object. I’ve been “skinny” and honestly, I didn’t spend a whole lot of time tasting much of anything. I will admit that being skinny makes bathing suit shopping a lot little easier, but there are many, many foods that do taste as good as skinny feels. Namely all foods that aren’t lettuce, since for me to be skinny I’d have to stop eating all foods with any taste. I’m just sayin’…
While we’re on the topic of starvation, there was a line in Sex and the City, a show that I loved, that never sat well with me:
When I first moved to New York and I was totally broke, sometimes I would buy Vogue instead of dinner. I felt it fed me more. ~ Carrie Bradshaw
Now I know that this line is a hyperbole and that Carrie was simply trying to describe her love for Vogue, but to glamorize a woman’s decision to choose the aesthetic over nurturing herself is a message, I believe, the world could do without.
I’ve shared only a small sample of toxic quotes, but I think you get the point. Why do so many quotes about women have to be focused on such shallowness? I wonder if I’d have viewed the world and myself differently had I been exposed to media sources that included quotes like the following:
Everything popular is wrong. ~Oscar Wilde
Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece. ~Ralph Charell
Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door. ~Emily Dickinson
To be engrossed by something outside ourselves is a powerful antidote for the rational mind, the mind that so frequently has its head up its own ass. ~Anne Lamott
People are like stained glass windows, they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if there is light from within. ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
“For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.” ~Audrey Hepburn
I’m not sure if you were also exposed to such toxic quotes and if you were, maybe you didn’t internalize them like I did. But think of the way you are positively impacted now when you come across blogs with inspiring quotes and imagine how that would have made things different for you as a young woman. Every now and then I come across critics who question the genuineness of positive bloggers. I don’t always disagree, but I’ll take less than genuine positivity any day.
What messages did you learn from media as a teen?
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{ 58 comments… read them below or add one }
Really great post. Thanks.
Thank you–glad you liked it!
I have been thin all of my life, and from an early age through much of high school, VERY thin. No matter how much I ate, including protein shakes with banana each morning in addition to a regular healthy breakfast, lunch, dinner. Still, I heard the most ridiculous “you are so lucky” to the naive and rude… perhaps because being thin is so sought after, people don’t think twice before making comments about a thin person’s appearance?
I am still trying to figure out how I have always been so positive, where I learned my confidence. I wish more people had it, really I do, so the toxic media was not so powerful.
We just need to be MORE powerful. It starts with words like yours
Kristina, that is something I struggle with so much. I was extremely petite growing up (ie. the freshman 15 put me over 100 lbs for the first time in my life) and let me tell you, I was bullied SO much in HS. I’m certain it’s how you describe it – being thin is so desired that people think its okay to be mean to people who are small naturally. I can’t think of one person I knew growing up who didn’t comment on my weight, some were nicer than others (the football boys followed me around calling me anorexic, my friends constantly told me how lucky I was). But wow, did it do a number on me and I’m just now (10 years later) starting to get over it. I refused to play sports, I refused to eat anything remotely healthy because I was scared it would perpetuate the “skinny girls are anorexic” myth – which apparently still exists per the MC “healthy living bloggers have eating disorders” nonsense that went on a few months ago.
Finally, I’m starting to get into healthier eating and I realized I actually love to exercise. It’s terrible that the negative words have stuck with me for so long. Despite being thin, I was very unhealthy but no one noticed. It’s all about size and that’s so sad.
That is a real problem–women who really are naturally thin not feeling that they can exercise or make healthy food choices. I wonder if our culture will ever be able to get away from seeing diet and exercise as a means to control weight and instead view as a way to enhance life and vitality.
Thank you so much for your comment. When I was very thin I was amazed that people felt it was appropriate to comment on my size. Fat or thin, it’s never alright to assume you know how another person feels about their body. I do have to say “you are so lucky” to have had confidence early in life!
I thought this was an interesting post (I got your link via http://www.healthytippingpoint.com), but I have to say that I find this comment to be slightly hypocritical and short-sighted. You say that you found it amazing that people felt they could critique your body even when thin – but, that woman that you featured a picture of is a real woman. And like you said, you should never assume something about someone else’s body. Do you know if that girl is naturally thin? Or what path she has taken to get to that point? I know this isn’t a big deal, and judging by the portfolio style shot, she is a model of some sort and therefore could be considered ‘opening herself up to criticism’, but I feel that using a picture of a real woman and declaring that she is TOO thin (stated like a fact) is contradictory to your intended, positive message. The title of your post is about words can “actually hurt”. I’m sure that this model (or anyone that is bashed in the healthy living blog world) would agree with you.
Good point. I did make an unfair judgement and I thank you for calling me out in a respectful way. I used the picture of the model to symbolize an image that I believe is set as an ideal for women. Sadly, many women go to unhealthy lengths to reach that ideal. But you are correct, it’s not fair to vilify a picture of a model–she isn’t the industry of which I’m criticizing.
I can completely relate to this. 100%. I used to think something was wrong with me b.c. I was always so much smaller than the rest of my girlfriends… it was almost like they looked down on me because I was trying to gain weight by eating more and they were trying to lose by not eating enough. It made for some hard relationships. I’m now finally at a point where I am content with being my size and no longer feel like I need to defend myself/apologize for being the way I am.
This is a great post! All three of those mean quotations I’ve heard before, and all three I think are terrible too. Good on you for raising the issue
Thanks! Those quotes suck and in my opinion, need to be discarded!
Those quotations (the negative ones) are overused by so many women and overly prevalent in society. They’ve become so engrained that they’re almost mantras, ideological signposts leading teens and adults alike down dark paths into patterns of disordered eating. They obviously don’t cause eating disorders in themselves, but they certainly don’t help those trying to recover.
I was exposed to this kind of thing early on in my life and, ironically, it actually led me to binge eat in response to failed attempts at restriction. So, ironically, messages shoving thinness down our throats can promote unhealthy behaviours for those becoming over as well as underweight.
Thanks for posting some counter-quotes to the poisonous ones. Some of those are going on my inspiration board on my wall.
xxx
What a well-written response! I can relate to your experience because I also felt like those quotes became a mantra that was shoved down my throat. And I too failed to fit the mold which messed up my relationship with food. I’m so happy to hear some of the other quotes inspire you as much as they do me!
I love your post. Words can be so impactful at any point but especially during the teenage years when we’re still trying to find ourselves and understand our bodies. I would look at fashion magazines all the time and beat myself up because I didn’t look like those girls. When Britney Spears came on the scene, I’d get so down on myself because all of the guys in my school were going crazy for her and her sexy image…and that just wasn’t me. I developed a horrible relationship with food and myself as a result, and it took years for me to let go of it and learn to love myself just as I am. I wish that teen magazines (and more magazines overall) would use regular people as their models! It would be so much more interesting!
I couldn’t agree more and you’re right, having real people in magazines would be more interesting. However, my hunch is that magazines keep us hooked by creating unrealistic expectations and also by being inconsistent. This is why I rarely read magazines these days. Even though I know their game, it still messes with my head.
Your post is SO true! I really admire it and know what you mean about being skinny- words still hurt if you’re trying to loose weight or even gain weight! Your post is inspiring! Keep up the great quotes!
Thanks for your comment! I think we all forget that body image issues isn’t just for someone who is overweight—even someone with a perfect body can still have body image issues!
Great post! This was really inspirational.
Thanks! Glad you liked it.
Great post and came at just the right time! Have a great week!
That makes me feel great–thanks!
I have always had quite a small frame and I grew up in a family that had meat and creamy sauces and everything else … it was just normal and I am really thankful for that! But I then got into an all girls’ school and this is where things started to go wrong – it’s really sad but in such an enviroment you are faced with bullying when you are different (I had glasses, I loved to learn and I was shy .. yeah, not the best qualities back then) and you are faced with everyone dieting and being as adult and perfect as possible. I started to feel that if everyone else was watching what they were eating and being low-fat and oh-so-cool, then I needed to do this, too. It never occured to me that to continue eating in a normal way, eating when I was hungry, would have been the most clever and adult way.
It was a mix of media (the teen magazines, TV ) and the other girls being influenced by it, then influencing me in a way.
Yeah, years later and being 28 now, I cannot believe why I let things slip back then.
At my law firm, we had an intern for three weeks. She was 16 years old and didn’t really have an idea whether she wanted to be a lawyer … she didn’t really know what she wanted out of life, really. So I imagined how I felt and took care of her – and when she mentioned that she had so much for breakfast and therefore couldn’t have anything at all for dinner, I gave her a little talk. I hope it didn’t weird her out but it was so important for me to tell her “if I could go back to when I was 16 I would tell myself not to worry about food so much. Eat when you are hungry. When you’re really hungry on one day, your body probably needs more fuel. You won’t put on weight when you listen to your body, you’ll be perfectly fine.”
I so wish I was able to plant that thought in her head, not leaving her when things get tough!!
Sorry for my very long comment but I felt inspired to write down my recent adventures on this – thanks for this awesome post, Nicole!!
I love your comment! Isn’t it amazing to have opportunities to help young girls going through the same things you’ve been through? I’m so glad to hear that you had the courage and self-awareness to say something. So many people are afraid of being offensive or feel like they should “stay out of others’ business”. I agree we have to be respectful of others’ decisions, but when I see an opportunity to hopefully help someone avoid the same pain I’ve been through, I’d feel guilty not doing something.
I know! It just really hit me when she commented her eating pattern that way – I wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it and give her a massive talk but I just wanted her a different perspective – to actually listen to her body and not decide in advance how little (or nothing) she had to eat at dinner.
I love the Operation Beautiful movement and this was my way of sticking a post-it on her forehead, I hope
Thanks for this post. I am going to RT because I think more young women – heck, more of EVERYONE – needs to be reminded of these positive affirmations.
Thank you!! I couldn’t agree more!
Great post! It’s so scary to think about my daughter growing up and being exposed to these messages. I wish I could raise her in a cave (a la Plato), but I know that’s not realistic
I can’t even imagine how neurotic I will be if I ever have children. The cave sounds like a good idea, although that would probably create a whole other bevy of issues.
When I was 202 pounds, people told me I was too fat. When I was 130 pounds, people told me I was too thin. Now I’m around 136ish, and some people tell me I’m a bit mushy. Sometimes, you have to forget what ‘people’ tell you, and just go by your feelings. “I don’t know the key to success, but I do know the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
I like that….took me too long to learn it!
This is a great post… I really like how you put, “I will admit that being skinny makes bathing suit shopping a lot little easier, but there are many, many foods that do taste as good as skinny feels.” Around this time of the year, I’m usually feeling low on energy, pudgy, and eager to kick myself back into bikini shape. This is a good reminder to keep myself in mental check!
I get that same sense of urgency when they put the stupid bathing suits out in stores. I’ve been working very hard to remind myself that it’s a marathon, not a sprint! My weight has fluctuated tremendously in the past 2 years and it has been a serious challenge to stay focused on being healthy—which my longterm goal and is only reached by making sustainable changes. Crash diets and losing 10 lbs by Friday = not sustainable!
I thought it was just me who so clearly remembers that line from Sex and the City. At the time I can remember thinking, “If I could nourish myself with fashion magazines like Carrie, I would not only be thinner but more fashion forward as well.” It’s seemed like a win, win situation. Today, I look back and realize how silly it was that I thought that. I’m glad my appetite and love of food won instead.
I had the same reaction: Wow! I should start spending all my money on magazines so I can be thin and well-dressed! How did that ever seem like a good idea???
Hey! I was just wondering what the book on tape is that you were talking about? I just got back into running, and i find that i get tired of listening to the same music! : )
thanks
It is The 4 Hour Work Week. Very interesting and making me realize how much time I waste.
perfect! Thank you so much : )
Grade A stuff. I’m uneuqstinoably in your debt.
Words and language have such incredible power. I know that one particularly toxic quote I’ve heard repeatedly is “A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.” (or some variations) Working with men and women who struggle with eating disorders, I know that such words can become embedded in our minds and hearts. Thanks for also sharing the positive quotes – fantastic!
Oh yeah, that is an awful expression. It’s so sad how such silly and shallow sayings can become so deeply entrenched.
ABSOLUTELY. Words do hurt. I would so prefer to be smacked in the face than hear something negative or purposefully hurtful. Words sting.
Agreed. It’s so much easier to get over physical pain. Psychological pain, on the other hand, can take a lifetime to recover from.
This is so true!!!!!
Beautiful post! Thanks so much for the quotes at the end–the Emily Dickinson was my favorite.
Thank you! I love the Emily Dickinson quote too.
This was chilling for me to read…I have really struggled with eating issues in the past. In college I really restricted what I ate, never to the point of being physically in danger, but mentally I was very sad and unhealthy–it was very much related to guy issues. When I was in a relationship, I had no food stress, but when I was single I put my energy into that. I’ve gained weight since college, and it does bug me even though I know I am healthier (and happier, eating more). I was trying to explain how important it was for me to be thin in college to my mom this weekend–literally I mentioned the rich/thin quote and the Carrie quote. Those quotes are burned in my brain, and thinking now, I can’t think of too many positive ones that have had the same impact. THANK YOU FOR THIS POST, I needed to read it.
I’m so glad to hear that! I can relate to missing your “skinny” body and having to remind yourself how life is better even if you are a little heavier. Honestly, I think it takes a long time to come to terms with eating issues and body image, but I want to believe that finding peace is possible. I don’t intend to give up trying! Hang in there.
i love these positive quotes. thank you so much for sharing them.
Glad you liked them.
Hi Nicole! This is my first time visiting, hopped over from HTP! Thanks for a great inspiring post. I’ve been up and down in weight constantly in my life, and have always given myself a hard time about food, eating, and exercising. Even when I was at my thinnest, I was always striving to be perfect, and was never thin enough. But I’m learning to accept me for me.
Side note: what audiobook do you listen to while running? I’ve thought about doing that, but was not sure if it would keep me moving. The Power by Rhonda Byne has wonderful quotes throughout as well!
This post is so fitting for me – I teach middle schoolers and the 7th and 8th graders just started a media/advertising unit in language arts. I’m working on a post right now regarding the info I found as I searched for the truths behind advertising to share with them. Kids are SO impressionable, hell I’m impressionable now as a 27 year-old!
I too hopped to your site from the HTP site. All my life I stuggled with weight and body image issues. For my 38th birthday I “gave”myself weight watchers — not because I wanted to be skinny but because I finally decided that I AM “worth it” as the commercials say. With “it” being the time and effort required to be able to live in a body that I love like I never did when I was younger, a body that at forty is now light enough and strong enough to run for miles. A body that is not too thin not too fat too tall too short too old too young too … well… anything society told me I was “too” of and I had listened to. For me that’s the point, when I stopped looking at everything I prefaced with “too” I found a body and life style I can love. Took me forty years to get here but it was worth the wait. I was worth the wait. Hopefully voices like yours–heck ours–will change the message and the conversation so other generations get here much earlier.
this is a very great post! I do believe there is so much power in our words and what we say can and does shape a girls (or anyones) life. I love how you added all the positive quotes at the end. Leaving on a high note!
Thank you! It’s only taken me 30 years to realize how much impact a few stupid sayings have had on my identity. That type of brainwashing needs to change!
Smhead Dont Let Words Change You !
lovely <3
To put one’s foot in one’s mouth.
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